Today I Just Waited For Bedtime

It was a day like any other. My children are thriving while I admire the pink on a pair of pajamas I got for Christmas and dub it my new favorite. Stay-at-home parents of very young children know that being your normal, average self means you’d get nothing done for the day. Since having unprotected sex and subsequently taking that pregnancy test, I stopped having the right to traverse life in mediocrity.

Because we are hyper-aware that we could do better than scraping our savings to pay for the month’s mortgage, I really, really needed to get work done.

But the truth is, I woke up in a slump. My motivation to do anything today is zero. At first, I thought I was just feeling lazy. Maybe after breakfast and swallowing a morning vitamin, I’d find the mojo to power through a day of juggling work and being a slave to people who once grew inside of me. I didn’t. In fact, I could feel myself physically sliding down helplessly to just resign on the floor. At the back of my head, I was really just waiting for bedtime.

As a Virgo, I hated being like this. My dream is to be one of those people who are unbelievably good at their jobs that the WORLD needs them in order to go round. Like Liam Neeson in Taken or Carrie Matheson in Homeland. And Brad Pitt in World War Z, which I only recently saw. Why can’t I have a “special set of skills” to just breeze through motherhood and be admired like the protagonist that I think I am?

So in an effort to just produce something, anything, I grabbed my planner and made a to-do list.

Organize a car kit. The neurosis is strong with this one.

Develop a zero-waste family habit on days we go out. I mean.

Organize a play/activity kit. My kids are kids and they get bored out.

Organize a snack kit. My kids are dogs and they need treats to behave.

At that point, any normal person would say I was just creating my own problems. But apocalypse movies dictate my life and compel me to prepare while coming up with ideas on what to put in our go-bags. Plus, World War Z really hit me hard. Though I’m not sure if I’m more worried about finding my family in a similar situation or that I am married to Brad Pitt and have to look perfect and worthy all the time while I wait for his call on a satellite phone.

I love my kids and there’s nothing on earth I would find cuter than their little faces. Except this morning when I learned that Donald Glover is playing Simba on the live-action Lion King movie. But bedtime is not for another 8 hours. At this point, I went through my mental notes and tried to find the one that says “it’s okay to just stare at their faces today and get nothing done because all the blogs told me that one day your kids will look back and remember just that.